Column
May 24, 2017

Deep in the muck

By Dom Cioffi

It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while I lose my temper. Most of the time it’s because of the illogical behavior of my teenage son, but on occasion, something else will set me off. Unfortunately, one of those “something else” moments happened over this past weekend.

I was out on the golf course with my son, wife and older brother, who was in town visiting. It was Saturday evening and the weather was perfect. We had just enough time to play a relaxed nine-hole round followed by a late dinner in the clubhouse.

We all played the first hole brilliantly and then headed to the second tee box. My brother and I teed off from the men’s tees and then wandered up to the ladies’ tees where my wife was about to hit her shot.

She proceeded to knock a beautiful 7-iron to about 10 feet from the pin, leaving her with a legitimate birdie opportunity. She was thrilled with the shot and excited that her round was starting off so well.

It was then my son’s turn. But as he was preparing to hit, I happened to catch some movement up near the green. I then realized that two teenage boys (guessing around 16 years old) had wandered out of the woods and were walking toward the green.

I told my son to hold up and then politely yelled, “Hey, guys, you might want to move out of the way.” The twosome ignored my plea and continued to saunter across the green, very much taking their sweet time.

Again I yelled, this time with a little more coarseness to my delivery. The two stopped in the middle of the green and stared back at us on the tee box. I raised my hands to convey a ‘What the hell are you doing?’ kind of reaction.

This is when things kicked up a notch.

At that point, one of the two boys turned to us and raised his arm high into the air with his middle finger extended. I won’t repeat what he said in conjunction with the gesture, but I’m certain you could ballpark his words. His buddy then reached down and grabbed my wife’s golf ball and proceeded to throw it into the nearby pond.

“Are you kidding me!” I screamed, my blood now boiling over with anger.

I’m not sure if it was the primal instinct of a man protecting his wife and son, but I immediately became unglued. “Get out of the cart,” I shouted to my son. I then jumped in and at full speed, raced to the green.

When I got to the green, I jumped out, grabbed my sand wedge and started chasing the two degenerates into the woods. Like cowards, they raced into the cover of the underbrush. There was no way I was heading in, knowing the amount of pricker bushes and poison ivy that surrounded the perimeter of the course.

I stood at the edge of the woods and begged the two to come back, taunting them to “be a man and come face me.” Not surprisingly, they kept a safe distance and continued to toss expletives at me.

I finally calmed down, at which point we finished playing out the hole and headed to the third tee. The duo obviously didn’t know the layout of the course because they climbed out of the woods right next to the third tee box as we pulled up.

Again I approached them and again they retreated into the safety of the woods. Unbeknownst to me, while I was screaming at the two kids, my wife was on the phone to the club house. Within minutes the head pro and the biggest member of his staff arrived and proceeded to track the duo down.

I’m not sure what happened after that, but I can only hope that justice was served (I’ll get the rest of the story the next time I play).

This week’s film, “Alien: Covenant,” also features justice being served, except in this case the good guys aren’t serving much.

Directed by Ridley Scott and starring Michael Fassbender and Billy Crudup, “Alien: Covenant” is a sequel to 2012’s “Prometheus” and the second installment in the “Alien” prequel series.

I’m a big science fiction fan so I have been highly anticipating the release of this film. Thankfully, Ridley Scott and his cast did not disappoint.

Check this one out if you’re a fan of the franchise or simply enjoy edge-of-your-seat thrills. “Alien: Covenant” is not without its shortcomings, but it delivers on all the important points.

A spacy “B” for “Alien: Covenant.”

Got a question or comment for Dom? You can email him at moviediary@att.net.

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