Working the system
By Dom Cioffi
My 15-year-old son came home from school last week and announced that he had an important assignment to complete. Apparently, his Spanish teacher told the class that they had to go out to eat at a Spanish restaurant and then write a food review.
I told my wife that coaching his school basketball team fulfilled my obligations for the next two months and she had to cover this one. I then left the room with assurance she would handle it.
Two days later, while I was out doing errands, my wife called and asked if I could pick our son up at the restaurant she found. She said he was there with two classmates since they were doing the project together.
I got to the restaurant about 15 minutes early, so I decided to go in and see how things went. As I walked through the entrance, I got my first uneasy feeling.
The restaurant, which I had never been to, was artistically lit with candles and filled with high-end décor. The hostess showed me where the boys were sitting, which was a lovely booth adorned with flowers and shiny cutlery. Also, on the table in front of each boy were a mass of empty plates and glasses.
The boys were all smiling broadly with looks of satiation. As I sat in the booth next to my son, two waiters showed up with three dessert plates and set them on the table. Each plate looked like a work of art with its drizzled chocolate and sprigs of mint. The boys’ eyes lit up as they dove in for the anticipated sugar rush.
“So, what else have you guys eaten?” I inquired.
“Oh, dad, it’s been awesome!” My son boasted. “I had tuna tartar and filet mignon and Jay had some special pasta dish with shrimp and Kyle had veal. And then we had some other tapas and cool blue drinks.”
It was at that point that I genuinely became concerned about the financial setback involved in this expedition.
“Uhhh, have you guys been keeping track of how much money this will cost?” I asked. They looked at each other with dismay, knowing that none of them had brought up that important point.
“How much money did you bring, Kyle?” I queried.
He replied that his mom gave him $20, Jay pulled out $11 and set it on the table. I then looked at my son, who just smiled and said he had his debit card (which I knew had less than $40). I shook my head and turned in the other direction so the boys couldn’t see me wincing.
I motioned for the waiter to bring over the check. The total came to $168. I set the check down and looked at the boys, who were now staring at me with grave concern.
I looked at all three boys and told them they each owed me $20. I then handed the waiter my credit card to pay the bill, which totaled nearly $200 with tip.
I became completely unglued when I got into the car with my son. “What were you thinking?” I exclaimed. “You just spent a fortune to eat dinner… and those weren’t even Spanish dishes!”
I pulled out my credit card and waved it in his face. “These things are not magic pieces of plastic that you just hand to people and everything becomes free! Hard work goes into the money that resides on here!”
When we got home, I lit into my wife, asking what she was thinking by sending the boys to such a fancy restaurant. She apologized profusely when she heard how much it cost, saying it was the only restaurant she could find that actually listed Spanish fare.
“Tuna tartar is not Spanish fare!” I shouted as I walked out of the room.
Things didn’t calm down for some time that evening because, after further inquiry into this homework debacle, I discovered that the actual assignment just called for eating a Spanish food and writing about it – no mention of dining with friends; no stipulation that it involve eating an entire meal; no requirement that it be accompanied by Pellegrino and chocolate mousse.
My parting statement to my son as I closed the door on this financial nightmare was, “You better get and ‘A’ on this project!”
This week’s feature, “Like a Boss” definitely didn’t get an ‘A.’ It was more like a ‘C’ that wanted to be an ‘A,’ but didn’t feel like putting the work in.
A flat buddy movie about two women trying to become cosmetic tycoons, “Like a Boss” delivers a few quality laughs, but ultimately ends up feeling like a hundred other movies you’ve already seen. Give this one a try if you’re looking for something to do with friends after dinner out. Just don’t expect it to be as filling as the food. Got a question or comment for Dom? You can email him at [email protected].
