By Dom Cioffi
I told my son at the beginning of the summer that we were going to do things differently this year. In past years, he had thrown away every opportunity to better himself, but this summer he would successfully balance fun with accomplishments.
As far as I was concerned, he was not going to sleep three months away, he would periodically workout so he stayed in shape for the fall season, he would work at least four days a week, and he would not only earn enough money to offset his expenses, but save enough to buy a used car later in the year.
Well, that didn’t happen.
I can’t tell you the number of days I found him sleeping well past noon. I think he made it to the gym twice. While he did work, it was nowhere near the number of days we agreed on. And after my wife tallied up the damage to his bank account, it looks like he went into the hole by at least a grand.
I spent the first month of the summer trying to encourage him with motivation. I’d occasionally pull him aside and talk about the balance of getting things done weighted against having fun with the boys. I was uplifting, optimistic, and constantly sending positive affirmatives.
During the second month, I became a little more critical, pointing out how things weren’t trending in the right direction. I told him there was still time to “right the ship,” but he’d have to act fast if he didn’t want to throw it all away.
And then, finally, we hit August and I basically gave up. I hate to admit it, but he simply wore me down. I stopped badgering him about getting up at a reasonable time, working extra hours, saving money for a car, and hitting the gym and instead, I just went silent.
And sometimes silence can be more powerful than words.
My son knows that his father is a man of many words and when I stop talking, there’s usually something terribly wrong. And when he began to notice that I was distancing myself, he became concerned.
Suddenly, I was getting the occasional hug and an odd request that we do something together. I’d entertain his advances, but just barely. The fact was, I watched him let the summer slip away and I wasn’t happy about it.
Of course, any guilt he was feeling was quickly dissolved by his desire to keep the status quo at play. I mean, it seems like every other night for the past two weeks was the “This is the Final Bash of Summer” party for he and his friends. Whenever I’d question that the last party was “the” party, he say, “No way, Dad, that party was just a precursor to this one.”
Two days later, the cycle would continue. And now, here we stand on the cusp of school starting again and I’d say he’s fully ill-prepared for the transition.
And just to add a cherry to the top of this ice cream summer, my son just announced that he had an assignment that had to be completed before the first day of school , which was to read and annotate and entire book!
Let’s just say that my dissatisfaction with the three prior months came pouring out like a shotgun blast in the night.
In my compromised state, I went golfing with some friends who also happened to have teenaged and older boys. Throughout the round, we traded stories, laughing at the similarities and marveling at the complete impassiveness of the age.
By the end, I felt a hundred times better, if only for knowing that other people were experiencing the same heartache, pain, and frustration with their kids.
I then watched this week’s feature, “Thirteen Lives,” and was reminded how precious our offspring are and how their presence in our lives – however unruly it can be at times – brings joy like nothing else.
Starring Viggo Mortensen and Colin Farrell and directed by Ron Howard, “Thirteen Lives” chronicles the harrowing rescue of 13 Thai boys who wandered into a local cave after soccer practice one afternoon. The story gripped the world for over three weeks when the unthinkable occurred.
I reviewed an exemplary documentary about this event some months ago and it was not only moving but incredibly well done. This dramatic recreation is equally compelling and a wonderful accompaniment to the story.
Check this one out if you want to believe in miracles. Just be wary that claustrophobia plays a big role.
A harrowing “B+” for “Thirteen Lives,” now available for viewing on Amazon Prime. You can email Dom at [email protected].
