There are talkers, and then there are TALKERS. If you work in an office, you likely know the type: the person who can turn a simple “Good morning” into a TED Talk video. These people don’t just stop by your desk—they plant themselves in your doorway, one hand on the frame, the other gesturing wildly. Before you know it, you’re an unwilling participant in their narcissistic performance art.
I work with a guy like this in an out-of-town office. It’s not that he isn’t friendly —he’s the friendliest guy in the building. It’s just that he has a talent for stretching a five-minute coffee break into an epic saga. And his stories? Well, at best, they are mildly entertaining; at worst, they are time-sucking speech bombs.
Last week, while I was working intensely on a project, this coworker materialized in my doorway, grinning. “You ever wrestled a goose?” he asks as if it’s a universal experience. At that moment, I knew I was in for the long haul, so I pulled off my glasses and turned my chair towards him.
“You wrestled a goose?” I asked with a tone of curiosity.
“Well, let me tell you,” he begins. “Last night, I was golfing with a buddy, and we came up to a tee box with close to a dozen geese milling about, some sleeping, some poking around for food. I was eager to hit my drive, so I tried shooing them away, but while most of them moved, one stood his ground, glaring at me. When I got too close and started poking him with my club, he started squawking and coming at me, wings flapping, hissing like a steam engine. The bird was relentless!”
I listened with some actual inquisitiveness since I’ve encountered geese on the golf course dozens of times. However, I’ve yet to be attacked. In all my goose interactions, they simply waddle away without much concern.
His story would have been great and worthy of some banter, but he went on and on for another 15 minutes, rehashing the same point over and over again. I’ve learned that in order to deter him or bring closure to the topic, I need to return my focus to my computer. But as soon as I did, he commandeered my mouse, insisting that we look up data points on golf course incursions by geese.
Ironically, as uninterested as I was, I actually found the information mildly compelling.
The biggest concern for greenskeepers is that geese graze intensively on the lush grasses of golf courses, creating bare patches, uneven turf, and holes from probing for food. This damages the meticulously maintained greens, fairways, and tee boxes, often requiring costly re-seeding or re-sodding.
Most disruptive, however, is that each goose produces about four pounds of droppings daily, leading to unsightly, slippery, and hazardous conditions on the course. The accumulation of feces not only detracts from the aesthetics but also poses health risks, as goose droppings can harbor over 60 transmittable diseases.
If you’ve ever walked through a flock of geese on the course, you know it’s like a fecal minefield. But worse is when your ball happens to roll through a clump of waste. No one wants to use their golf towel to clean that kind of mess.
And while I’ve never slipped and fallen because of goose droppings, apparently, it’s a hazard that has actually resulted in civil lawsuits.
It’s reported that a typical golf course spends between $5-10K per year on goose management, including labor for scattering geese and cleaning up droppings. Additional expenses arise from repairing and re-sodding damaged turf, increased maintenance labor, and implementing goose control measures such as trained dogs, decoy wolves, lasers, or other deterrents.
Unfortunately, deterrents were the name of the game in this week’s feature, “The Phoenician Scheme,” a film so quirky that it may dissuade audiences from thoroughly enjoying it.
Set in 1950 in the fictional modern Greater Independent Phoenicia, the film follows Zsa-Zsa Korda (Benicio Del Toro), a morally dubious industrialist who is attempting to secure a sprawling infrastructure project while trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter, Liesl (Mia Threapleton), a novitiate nun. With a stellar ensemble cast including Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson, and Benedict Cumberbatch, the film is a technical marvel but struggles to balance its ambitious themes and frenetic pacing, resulting in a mixed delivery.
You either dig Wes Anderson films, or you don’t. For me, seeing a new Anderson film is like reuniting with an old friend. I’ve had the same cinematic experience with Woody Allen projects. And just like Woody, some Anderson films grab you, and some don’t, but all can be appreciated for their unique style and tone.
A distinctive “C+” for “The Phoenician Scheme,” now playing in theaters everywhere.
Got a question or comment for Dom? You can email him at [email protected].
