Over the years, I’ve told my son at least a thousand times, “It’s a puzzle, figure it out.”
Borne of necessity, I used the phrase to promote action in my child, given that his first response to difficulty, traditionally, was to either give up or make a half-hearted attempt. Because of his laissez-faire attitude, my wife and I inevitably did everything for him.
As a toddler, my son was slow to walk. My wife and I became concerned, so we took him to a doctor and a physical therapist. After extensive testing, both told us that there was nothing physically wrong with our child, insisting that when he was ready to walk, he would walk.
I was encouraged by the positive diagnosis but still frustrated that he was lagging behind his peers (we had some friends whose children started hopping around at a year old; my son was content to scoot on his knees until he was two years old). So, I went home and began setting up scenarios that would encourage him to stand up and hopefully take a step.
Not surprisingly, food was my first choice to lure him into action. Like most infants, my son pined for sweets, but unlike other kids, he only wanted them when they were within reach. If the sweet was placed on a shelf that would be easily accessible to a standing toddler, he was content to simply leave it there.
And that’s exactly how he approached every teaser I set up, whether it was food or a toy. No matter what I did to prompt him into walking, he wasn’t interested.
This sounds frustrating—and it was—but the flip side was that my child never once threw a temper tantrum. He was the most joyful, laid-back kid. He was happy to go to bed and happy to wake up. If you turned off the TV mid-cartoon, he simply smiled and moved on to the next thing. He was, in a word, easy.
So, it should come as no surprise that one day, he stood up and started walking—just like the doctors predicted. Within a week, he was impossible to catch.
However, as the years progressed, I still noticed his lackadaisical attitude rearing its head, especially when it came to school. I’ve spent countless hours trying to break down his unique personality style and then match that with a study approach that would allow for success. I tried homework guides and organizational apps. I even tried hiring a tutor (not surprisingly, his tutor loved the time they spent together but even she couldn’t light a fire under him).
I finally got to the point where I decided I simply had to let him fail. If he came to me with a math problem that was giving him trouble, I resisted the urge to plot it out myself. If the Lego set he was working on didn’t come out like the picture on the box, I shied away from figuring out where he went wrong. Most importantly, when he had a scuffle with a friend, I avoided telling him how to handle it.
I would listen to his issue and maybe reference past situations that might shed some introductory light on a solution. Then, without fail, I would return to my often-stated mantra: “It’s a puzzle; figure it out.”
Not surprisingly, I hear myself saying this mantra inside my head to coworkers making half-hearted attempts at work-related problems. To be honest, I think my fuse has grown increasingly short over the years, so I have little patience when I feel like someone isn’t committed to finding a solution. I’ve found that my puzzle statement works on my child, but colleagues find it somewhat condescending.
Condescending is a good word to describe this week’s feature, “The Woman in the Yard,” a less-than-par horror mystery that did everything it could to insult my intelligence.
Ramona is a widowed mother haunted by guilt over a car accident that killed her husband. While recuperating at an isolated family farmhouse, a mysterious woman in black appears and begins to torment the family. The woman’s supernatural presence ultimately reveals Ramona’s hidden role in the accident, forcing her to make a choice between her own death or the survival of her children.
I’m always in the mood for a good horror film, but I’m more often than not disappointed by the modern adherence to moments of shock rather than true terror. Check this one out if you’ve literally got nothing better to do; otherwise, save your theater dollars for something else.
A puzzling “D+” for “The Woman in the Yard,” now playing in theaters everywhere.
Got a question or comment for Dom? You can email him at [email protected].
