In keeping with the spirit of the holiday season, I found it only fitting to review some current holiday film offerings. The biggest holiday movie offering of the season, at least in terms of cast and Hollywood budget expenditures, is the Rock vehicle “Red One.” It’s streaming now on Amazon Prime after a less-than-stellar box office run in November. So, that was available, but honestly? A quick peak at “Red One’s” trailer filled with an odd-looking assortment of CGI snow bad guys, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. The Movie Diary guy reviewed it a few weeks ago. He took one for the team.
Another reviewer this week saw “Hot Frosty,” a Netflix offering that tries as hard as it might to be a Hallmark holiday movie. Yeah, I did see that one, and there is nothing more I could, should, or would add to that one, but for what it was, it wasn’t awful. But let’s be clear: the sliding scale is weighted when it comes to these holiday movies.
All that’s left for little ole’ me is the coal at the bottom of the stocking for all bad little boys and girls who watch movies. And I have a couple of real doozies.
‘Adult Swim’s Yule Log 2: Branching out’
Yup, that really is the title. This sequel to Adult Swim’s horror holiday phantasmagoria of unbridled awesome from 2022 showed up on Friday, Dec. 13 (coincidence? I don’t think so) unannounced on MAX, much in the way the original “Yule Log” did. I know what you’re thinking: What the Dickens is “Yule Log?” For those familiar with the 2014 Adult Swim cult-favorite short, “Too Many Cooks,” that insane creation’s director Casper Kelly created this surprise feature that dropped on MAX in 2022 on Dec. 12. That film, which I watched opening night and rewatched a year ago, is indescribably insane. There’s a cabin in the woods. There’s a homicidal cleaning woman and her deranged son. There are two competing Air BnB groups assigned to the cabin at the same time. There’s a notorious history of death and mayhem associated with the cabin. A strange old man lives inside the cabin fireplace in an alternative David Lynchian world where the beverage of choice is Nurse Nutmeg soda. So, there’s that. And before the dust settles, a killer Yule log is dead set on wiping out everyone in the cabin.
Okay, you got me. That’s my kind of movie, horror or otherwise. It’s weird enough to turn away pretty much everyone but the most particular of filmgoers. I am that filmgoer. So, you can imagine my delight when my wife texted me the good news that “Yule Log 2: Branching Out” hit MAX on Friday the Thirteenth. We watched it that night.
And “Yule Log 2” follows the instruction manual for a horror sequel to a tee. First, it should never be anywhere near as good as the original. And brothers and sisters, it ain’t. Yes, it’s as absurd and silly as the first film, but while the original had the advantage of coming out of nowhere and being so weird and deranged that nothing could compare to it, this new film runs out of gas early. Instead of trying to outdo the first film in the outlandish department, “YL2” opts for a different approach. It didn’t 100% work for me, but I appreciate its inspired genius.
The protagonist, Zoe, played by Andrea Laing, is one of the only survivors from the first “Yule Log.” And, as you may imagine, after surviving an aggressive “Terminator”-like assault from a Yule log that killed your fiancé, whose side hustle was making Yule log videos, Zoe has some left-over trauma issues.
After a breakdown during work sends Zoe packing, she and her bestie, Jakester, played by Chase Steven Anderson, head out of town to get away from it all in Mexico. Fate has different plans, which leave the pair temporarily stranded in the town of Mistletoe. This is the seed that takes root in our story (see what I did there) as “Yule Log 2” quickly morphs into a Hallmark holiday film satire. You name the trope, and “Yule Log 2” throws it in for fun. As a sendup of Hallmark films, “Yule Log 2” does find tremendous heaps of hilarious inspiration. As a sequel to the gonzo original, it’s a tad lackluster.
You may be wondering when the Yule log shows up. In classic “Jaws: the Revenge” style, the log comes after Zoe and will continue until it finishes what it started in the first film.
Look, for those who saw the original, loved the original, and had no idea that a sequel was coming, I’m doing a service. You’re on notice. The sequel is out there and available. But I won’t spoil all the fun by telling you what happens next. You’re going to have to watch for yourself. Still, if I am being honest, “Yule Log 2: Branching Out” left me disappointed. However, if I am still being honest, I’ll be the first one to watch “Yule Log 3” whenever Adult Swim chooses to surprise me with another sequel.
“Dear Santa”
‘Dear Santa’ is available to rent/purchase on demand or watch via streaming on Paramount +.
Dear Santa, would you please promise me you’ll never let the Farrelly Brothers make another holiday film if I’m good? Is that a wish you can deliver?
On paper, “Dear Santa” sounds like a winner. A socially awkward boy with dyslexia whose family is trying to overcome a recent tragedy makes a personal wish to Santa Claus via a letter. The catch? He has dyslexia, so the boy accidentally sends the letter to Satan. Satan comes a calling, but it’s a soul he’s a wanting, and will the boy outwit the devil? And it’s a comedy? And it’s made by the writer/director team of the two guys who gave audiences “Dumb and Dumber” and “Something About Mary”? Okay, I’m willing to watch this.
Jack Black, who probably should stick to cartoon pandas at this point, plays Satan, who shows up to grant three wishes to the boy. Naturally, there is a catch, and we all know what it is. The genius in “Beetlejuice” and its sequel “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” is in its strategic and economic use of Michael Keaton. Keaton’s over-the-top performance is great because he is only on screen for 17 minutes in the first film and 17 minutes in the sequel. It’s just the right amount. We feel he is on screen throughout the movie and never get sick of him. Oh, if the Farrelly Brothers only knew such restraint. A little Jack Black goes a long way, and there’s far too much Jack Black in this movie. Far, far too much.
In the early goings, there are a few mild chuckles to be had, but the story gets tedious quickly, and by the 54-minute mark, my wife, youngest child, and I all groaned when we paused the movie to discover there was still an hour of this holiday turd to go.
It’s a bad sign when, as a film watcher, you start noticing details, like the bland beige interior design of the protagonist’s house, and wondering aloud, “Who decorates their home like this?” Or when you repeatedly ask questions like, “Does this kid’s parents have jobs, and what do they do for a living that affords them this home with such carefully curated crap in their house that makes them look like they got kicked out of a Hallmark holiday movie and pushed into the lower realm of the Paramount Network. And yeah, that’s where this film is hiding, on Paramount +. So, that’s probably good news for you. I doubt you have Paramount +. Does anyone? I do, which is how this crapfest wound up on my watch list on Sunday night.
Okay, maybe skip all this nonsense and just watch “Christmas Vacation” for the umpteenth time.
James Kent is the publisher’s assistant at The Mountain Times and the co-host of the “Stuff We’ve Seen” podcast at stuffweveseen.com.
