Yet I seem to be the least important person in the building to her
Will I ever be an equal to her drinking buddies, who after years, she has never opened up to?
When she talks to everyone else in the room I sit and wonder if I will get a turn
A chance to share her light for just a moment
Or whatever remains of it
We all share the same air, yet I’m not actually here I’m not actually relevant here.
Am I making my interest too obvious?
Am I not obvious enough?
Do I butt in? Only to retreat when she finds another acquaintance more willing to indulge her ego?
Is my spirit too dull for a star so bright?
Is my soul too dark tonight?
Do I even deserve a chance to share space with this luminary?
Was their initial excitement just a ruse?
Was it just double speak?
Was this all intended to show interest in me? But was quickly abandoned as I did not arrive with my costume in tow?
Why did you tell me your true feelings only once I was completely unavailable?
Why, when I was back by your side, as you wished, were your feelings immediately gone?
Don’t I deserve someone who decisively wants my love more than the false admiration of their constituents?
Is their mask simply arrogance or is it deeply rooted insecurity?
Do they even have real love remaining after they make their rounds and hand it out freely to the entire town?
Shaking hands and hugging strangers?
Reveling in the misleading subterfuge of what is untrue
Do they recognize this game for the farce it truly is while they are actively playing it?
Why can’t they look me in the eyes? Why won’t they embrace me as they have done for all of the people they claim to care about so much less? Why are these people, who have almost nothing in common with you, so captivating to you?
Why is being impressive to everyone so important to you? Why is maintaining an image important? Appearing flawless to these strangers?
More important than being genuine to someone who truly loves you and has dedicated his time to understanding your inner workings?
To growing together with you
To sharing his true self
To being your committed partner, teammate and hype-man.
Why is he never enough? Why, when you know the deceit is wrong, and is just a meaningless popularity contest, do you cling to it so tightly?
Can anything outside of your shell ever be elevated to the importance of what’s right in front of you at the bar and in the drinks you share every night?
Can either of us really trust anyone here except Sarah, who beautifully and admirably does not play the game?
Why must I look up, squinting, to try and catch an authentic glimpse of you?
So high above your own walls
Looking down at me with the scowl of judgement as I refuse to play the game created by your predecessors
The ones who brought this game from their past lives
Trying to make our town more like the place they just left
Could my transparency ever have been acceptable? Admirable?
Could my purity ever become something worth replicating?
Like all of the small-town beauty you arrived with? Only to turn around and sponge these ski-bums’ worst traits just to fit in
I still long for one last dance with you
One last squeeze
So that maybe for a moment I can remember the true you
The you that you carried on your back from the Whites, completely unashamed at your perfect imperfection
The you that saw me as family
The you who brought authentic light to this mountain town
Unabashedly adventuring with a blazing fire in our hearts and gigantic dreams for our life together
Where our wild, steely blue eyes could once again meet as equals
I fear that day will never come
No turpentine could clean what has been soiled
A romantic warrior right in front of you
Could never have been enough
Could never have been valid
Could never have filled the void inside you
I was simply prey to be eviscerated
Fed on inside the coliseum
Inside of the theater
For the clout and amusement of the nobles
I’m bowing out of this game
I fold
I wish you well
I hope this was everything you hoped for your life
Everything you’d hoped to gain from my love
When you wake up cold and alone
Remember that you had three chances
At respect, compassion, and trust
But the game was always your priority
Never me
Never us
Stay warm, Ice Princess
I will always miss the warmth of who you once were.
