Growing up, my parents had some kind of large toy that wasn’t functioning. I remember it so vividly. It was white with red and blue stripes. Big white stars. The sides and headboard showed a man burning rubber with an impertinent amount of orange and yellow flames, doing an amazing wheelie on a Triumph motorcycle. It was a 1977 Evel Knievel coin operated pinball machine. With enough beat-up charm to fill even the hippest of arcades, my youthful imagination ran wild as I considered what it would be like to plug it in. What would happen when it finally booted up and the synchronized lights start flashing? What digital tune would play when I got a high score? How carefree life must feel to drop that first quarter in.
It never quite got going and it was sold away with an unknown fate. I like to think that it was restored and lives with someone who will use it as intended. To transport yourself for a moment. To feel the wind through your hair, to revel in adventure without ever leaving the room. To feel free.
In my adult years, I encountered someone who reminded me of what that beautiful machine made me feel so long ago. And there wasn’t a stodgy bone in his body.
When having a productive and passionate verbal sparring with a close friend it is important to really listen. This is particularly true with boy friend, who I consider a brother. You never know what treasures you can uncover when digging deep with a close friend. It is equally as important to/for each of you to share the insights you’ve experienced on your travels. A brainstorming session of the purest intention can unfold if all involved can see each other as equals. Like a think tank without the parameters of a tank. Every word is a lesson while being both student and teacher. When you find yourself growing each time you interact with someone, it is safe to say you are on the right track.
During a brief, but deep dive into life, we discussed the usuals: accepting the absurdity of the world, the stunning beauty of our Mother Earth, and the “whys” in life. Why are we doing what we are doing? What is our reasoning? I considered: What is his motivation for creating delicious meals for people on the access road? Why does he choose to minimize his carbon footprint so much, even though he makes a lot of modern sacrifices to do so? Why does he feel so willing to spill his heart and mind to his closest advisors? How can he put so much out there so honestly, genuinely and bluntly?
A man that operates unapologetically by his own code, he focuses on living without regrets. Each risk is another opportunity to feel alive. But what would possess someone to take every risk? Every opportunity? Every single chance? Where is the fear that so many of us have faced and decided it was just not right? Not safe enough to feel comfortable?
He once said, “I’m gonna do it, Will. No one can stop me. I need to be happy. I have to do this,” when discussing the final Twiddle concert and having to cut out of work slightly early.
We were working together that shift, and I wondered why I hadn’t gone and enjoyed the soulful reggae grooves at the Flynn with him. I stayed on the access road and helped run the kitchen at work. I didn’t want to let down my coworkers or the owner. I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. While I am proud that I didn’t leave my roommate high and dry at work, or go instead of my friend, I did let myself down. I kept my promise to others, but I did not keep my promise to myself. I did not honor myself. I had built a regret from scratch without even consulting life’s recipe. A hard lesson was learned about the importance in taking care of oneself that night.
Given the constant roller coaster of vicissitudes in this man’s story, I knew we had a lot to learn from each other. When we check in we always seem to focus on making things better. We talk about trying to facilitate and embody the change in the world, by being true to what makes us who we are. He reminds me to respect others by respecting myself. To not allow myself to be afraid of failure, but instead to relish it as a chance to grow. Reminding me that I choose my reality and I have so many more opportunities than I think. As many as I want. That part of free will means that sometimes I need to look past my own layers of conditioning and simply do what is right. That there are so many ways to enjoy and contribute to our beautiful mountain community. That if I take a chance I may be able to enact some real change and make the world a little better.
That if we all act as students and teachers, we could leave this place better than we found it.
