With busy lives and breathtaking scenery in the mountain community, it can be hard sometimes to embrace deep companionship and friendship. Casual connections come easily, but don’t offer the same benefits that are received through a close connection, through a network of genuine support. As we grow older and more involved in personal responsibility, I want to share a personal reflection regarding my idea of close/true friendship.
I feel that a truly close friend is invited to be a relevant part of your life. To be contacted and included, but also to be invited for 1-on-1 time together, in an effort to show them the value they hold to you. Simply letting someone know where you will be with your gaggle of comrades, and never taking things to a personal level, excluding individual time together, does not signify someone’s worth to you.
A close friendship is a give and take. To match the energy that they put in to being a part of your life. To offer the same support that they’ve shown for you, such as during a loss, a medical event, an accident, or a scary time, like a missing pet. To support their endeavors, such as their career, their art, their hobbies and their interests, as they do for you.
Being treated as a close friend means embracing someone’s uniqueness. Appreciation of their core values. It relies heavily on accepting their thoughts, feelings and opinions, even if they vary greatly from your own. The effort to accept and appreciate a perspective beyond your own is being a friend to someone. Holding the same feelings and beliefs as someone is not a requirement for genuine empathy. Only showing support and acceptance of matching ideas, feelings and opinions is indicative of a closed mind and makes genuine connection very challenging for both parties, regardless of other effort put in.
The effort required to invite someone to an individual time with you; while showing support for their ideas, feelings and opinions; while celebrating their differences, uniqueness and idiosyncrasies; while being grateful for the opportunity for a truly personal interaction, is a significant part of genuine intimacy and close friendship.
When you are in the same space together, consider this: Is there even a thought of leaving them behind or not bringing them along to experience the forthcoming joy of your day, regardless of a potential personal sacrifice? Is there a sense that because you cannot see their perspective then it must not be valid? Is there a feeling of inadequacy after putting in bare minimum effort? If they express a hardship, confusion or pain from an interaction with you, are you finding yourself making excuses, rationalizing, and becoming defensive? Do you find it difficult to include them in your life because it requires focused effort on someone beyond yourself? If they’ve reached out to talk or spend time, have you been receptive or have you viewed it as a hassle and an inconvenience? This is not close friendship nor is it a valued, genuine connection.
To be a close friend, to me, means to value, cherish, and love me. Not romantic love, certainly, but the kind of loving others that is the basis for all religions and for all mindfulness practices. Not valuing and cherishing them above yourself, but as an equal. To understand their individual hardships and situations and to embrace them with compassion.
To be treated as an equal is an important part of close friendship. As an equal, no differences matter, only love and commonality. As an equal, no struggle a friend is experiencing is an insurmountable issue that you can’t contribute positivity and light to. As an equal, you use your own stability and awareness to embrace a new opportunity to show love. As an equal, you are a relevant part of someone’s mind, heart, present, and future. As an equal, mutual respect comes naturally.
Being a close friend means to love. To show love. To welcome and encourage love. To be love.
This is a close friendship to me.
