The beginning of 2024 saw many ups and downs for me, but offered several new opportunities as well. I started a new job late in the previous year and was starting to come into my own by the end of skiing season. The new job, working with a utility company, offered me a very unique experience. I was able to use my customer service skills, computer skills, and critical thinking skills to help members of the community with a basic need. I was no longer questioning my contribution to the local community. I found that I was able to really connect with my customers and make a considerable difference in their day and in their lives. After getting tons of positive feedback and various complimentary reviews, I was confident that I was on the right track. I was able to really lean on my skills at deescalating conflicts, creative problem solving, and genuinely being there to listen to folks who are counting on my expertise.
I had spent the first few months of the year really down. Going to work was really the only thing I looked forward to in my day. My time at home was spent hiding from the world, soaking in my feelings of regret, confusion, and sheer depression. No one that I had shown up to support and been purely kind to, had put in effort to be there for me.
There was the occasional contact, but it was inconsistent and ultimately insincere. Reaching out to the people I knew locally was getting little to no response. I went weeks without hearing from anyone.
The toughest part was: Not only did I lose my best friend, but I also lost my closest connection to the community. I lost a partner to share adventures with. And I lost a bond with a few furry friends who loved me as much as I loved them. If only everyone could feel that way.
I went from feeling like I was loved, accepted and appreciated to not even feeling like I was worthy of respect. Like my voice and perspective was completely invalid and that it almost wasn’t even worth trying to change that. It was very troubling sometimes.
During this time, I leaned heavily on my friends and connections in other communities. Since I did not feel like I was any longer a part of this community, I really had no other choice. With a cheeky rejection similar to being picked last in high school gym class, I really was unsure if I was going to make it through the spring. I considered what nearby community to explore. Fortunately, my friends knew exactly what I needed. I needed love. I needed support. I needed encouragement. And, I needed help being reminded of who I was. Who I had always been. I knew that I wasn’t all of those negative things that people said about me. My close friends were there to help me get back on the right path.
One day, two awesome friends both teamed up to get me out of the house. I was hesitant to leave my pit of sadness because that is all I have known since the holiday season the year before. But we took a nice walk in the woods near my apartment. We admired the foliage and the breathtaking beauty of the area. We took many wonderful photos of the landscape and the waterfalls that were so beautiful and unspoiled. On this adventure, I encountered a lone trillium blossom surrounded by a sea of gray and brown. This beauty was surrounded by what could only be seen as decay, and it inspired a beautiful piece that was the first writing I had done in many years. I had all but stopped writing and stopped singing, mostly due to discouragement from people I trusted.
This one bit of writing and adventure really gave me the jump start that I needed to steer the ship in the right direction. All at once, it had reminded me of what I have to offer as a member of the community — as a friend, as a brother, and as a partner.
I shared the piece at the local open mic. I was met with tons of support and encouragement from strangers. Something I hadn’t received in so long. Without this outlet locally, about a block from my home, I am not sure that I would be as far along on my journey as I now am. The owner of the bar and the host of the jam really care about this community and help bring us all together in peaceful and healthy ways. Not only did the host make space for me to read my new writing, but he used his large songbook repertoire to get me singing a few songs. I was warmly received. I did renditions on the Grateful Dead, The Band, and Bob Dylan. Songs like “Shelter from the Storm,” “When I Paint My Masterpiece,” and the host’s rendition of “On The Road Again” really brought a lot of love and joy back into my heart.
With my newfound passion for writing restored, I put some work out there. Some transient folks who also are writers and artists reached out and shared local meet ups with me. I was able to start connecting with the artistic community like I had back home.
One particular event in Rutland gave me the opportunity to read some of my poetry and stories for acclaimed local writers, such as the poet laureate of Vermont. I welcome feedback and received many positive notes that helped shape and improve my writing. As I continued attending the poetry readings at the bookstore, I received considerable praise and positive feedback from the other writers. One gentleman told me that my writing was phenomenal and reminded them of a songwriter choosing to write a story instead. The gentleman next to me at my last reading told me that he could listen to me read stories all day. This kind of feedback helped push away the dark cloud that formed as I was being pushed further from my local connections. I was looking for genuine. I was looking for respect. And I finally started to find that, from strangers, and not from any of the positive local connections I worked so hard to build the previous year.
After I had gotten a few stories and poems under my belt, I decided to put my favorite one out there to the community via social media and privately to a few trusted folks. One member of the community, who I wish others could be more like, really encouraged me to try and take the next step with my writing and submit it to the newspaper he writes for. So I put myself out there and reached out to the editors of the Mountain Times, who gave me my first genuine writing opportunity. I fine tuned that first story for about two weeks until I was happy with it. After all was said and done, I had accomplished a goal set 20 years prior: I was finally published! And, I finally got to put my perspective out into the world with local support.
Now, I feel blessed to share my stories with the community and look forward to growing as an individual within this beautiful mountain community.
