For thousands of years, the transition into the new year sees people take a moment for self-reflection. Traditionally, people come up with a resolution for something they would like to improve upon, bring with them, or leave behind them with this year’s fresh start.
The Latin origin of the word resolve, resolvere, has a few meanings, such as: to loosen, to cancel, to undo, to settle, to dispel or to pay back. We have taken a few of those meanings into today’s English definition, but it also carries several other meanings in the fields of science, medicine, computer technology and music. Whether it is a Babylonian king vowing to be a better ruler, or one of us in 2025 committing to finally clean out the garage, the tradition remains mostly the same and focused on having a better year.
Unfortunately, it is also well documented that new year’s resolutions are often ineffective and that many Americans have begun stepping away from the tradition.
Keeping with the theme of growth, taking personal responsibility/ownership, and making things better, I have been reflecting specifically on two factors that can influence change: agency and fear.
Agency is the drive, motivation, willingness and desire to act. Without it, a commitment to change is a painfully empty promise. Agency can form due to necessity or pressure from outside forces, but it can also be encouraged through healthy habits and goal setting. For example, I have an exercise where I take time to assess my priorities in an effort to recalibrate and direct my focus toward what will help me grow in this period. Quantifying all of the things on my plate: The good, the bad and the gray. Taking a moment to investigate what motivates me to accomplish the things that I am getting done. Then looking for ways to try and attach those motivators to the things I am struggling to deal with. From there, figuring out what roadblocks or challenges the unfinished tasks are presenting me, and if there is any way to remove them that I haven’t tried. Ultimately, agency begins and ends as our own responsibility, and we make genuine time for the things that we value. Whether we act or do not act, regardless of other factors, it is our own responsibility.
Fear is a feeling of danger, or a threat. Fear can also be used to express feelings of apprehension and anxiety, or even remorse and apology. Fear can show up in several ways in our lives and sometimes can be tough to recognize as it requires great vulnerability and self reflection. Some of us fear not fitting in and perform social gymnastics to be seen in the way we’d like. Some have a fear of failure, being different, being alone, being unhappy, being broke, or even the fear of something new. The list is endless of the things we don’t want to experience or do not understand. But fear can be a roadblock or it can be a motivator. Succumbing to fear, and allowing it to be your enemy, can significantly halt progress and can lead to some uncomfortable reactivity or avoidance. Whereas, if we can walk a bit closer to the fear, acknowledge its presence without reacting, and try to understand what the foundation of the fear is, then we can respond to it at its roots. The heart is the bridge between the physical and the spiritual. In other words, it filters everything we see and helps us decide how to perceive it, just like our eyes. If we can approach our fear with love, and not as the enemy, then we can begin to learn the deeper lessons that this personal vulnerability is able to teach us.
How you can turn fear into agency
A helpful and insightful method for approaching fear, that over time can transform the mind, is to take a counterphobic approach. When encountering a situation that makes you uncomfortable, consider this process: Do not allow fear to dictate your posture, or how you behave. Do not allow the fear to convince you of what to say. Allow yourself to be present with the fear without reacting.
Tell yourself: “I am here. I am. I decide what this fear means. I control how this feeling affects me. I control whether this fear exists.”
Avoid making assumptions or being closed-minded. Proceed mindfully and with intention.
Accepting fear as it is, instead of as a setback, will allow us over time to become closer to the feeling of fear. And we can instead use it as a chance to discover more about ourselves and the thing we are afraid of. The closer we study, and the more openly and honestly we meet tough feelings within us, the less they can dim our light. Approaching fear in this way and spending time with it, increases confidence and genuine motivation (agency), and helps transform the brain to view fear as something to be curious about, instead of something to naturally avoid. Instead of weakening us by convincing us to be reactive, it strengthens us by increasing our wisdom and resolve.
As we take steps to grow and make this a better year, let’s try to lean on the strength of our commitments, our word, and our agency, to see our goals through to completion. And if we encounter feelings of fear, discomfort, or confusion, let’s try to approach them with love and genuine curiosity, welcoming and encouraging the growth of our best selves.
