By Dom Cioffi
Most everyone is familiar with the popular adage that I used for the title of this week’s column.
More commonly known as Murphy’s Law, the phrase “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong” points to the understanding that, given enough time, even the most unlikely scenarios will eventually unfold.
The last couple weeks of my life have driven this statement home ad nauseam.
As some of you may have read in last week’s column, I recently got into my first car accident in 30 years of driving. It was a minor dust-up, but it was my fault, which makes the whole thing fairly aggravating.
But what really burned me about this accident was that only a few weeks earlier I had been boasting about my stellar driving record to a friend at work. “No, I’m just really on my game when I drive,” I bragged.
Whatever higher power it is that functions in this universe must have heard me and decided to put me in my place. I let my guard down while driving for two seconds and “Bang!” – two dinged quarter panels, several broken lights, and a couple of bent bumpers. There goes my record.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, over this past week I got nailed for speeding.
Again, I don’t get speeding tickets. In all my years of driving I think I may have been issued one, and I argued that down to the most minor infraction.
To make this scenario even worse, I got caught speeding in a school zone. I know, I know! Speeding in school zone is the worst kind of speeding. But I was doing 32 mph in a 20 mph zone! I can run faster than that speed limit.
Needless to say, my insurance is probably going to skyrocket. Forget that I’ve been a stellar driver for all these years. I might as well just hand my insurance company the password to my bank account.
But my problems didn’t end there.
I recently went to the dentist for a cleaning. While in the chair, my dentist informed me that I had a slight crack on a back molar. “Nothing to worry about,” he said. “Just be careful not to chew on any ice or hard candy.”
I acknowledged his limited concern and left feeling confident that it would be years before I’d really need to address the situation.
And wouldn’t you know it…
Over the weekend, while out to dinner with friends, I reached into a bowl of mixed nuts that were sitting on a restaurant bar. I was about two chomps into a mouthful when I suddenly felt a strange crunching sound.
I stopped for a moment and became hyper-focused on the inside of my mouth. My tongue ran over the back of both my upper and lower molars, scanning intently for evidence of distress.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I thought, as my tongue settled on a unfamiliar sharp area inside my mouth.
My mind raced as those calming words of my unconcerned dentist repeated over and over in my head.
I excused myself and went into the bathroom. I tilted my head back and pulled the edge of my mouth to the side. Sure enough, an entire corner of one of my molars was missing, more than likely halfway to my stomach along with seven peanuts, a Brazil nut and two almonds.
But just in case enough unlikely scenarios hadn’t arisen, I was then lucky enough to experience one more.
I’m the kinda guy who really takes care of the things I own. Whether it’s my truck (don’t say it), my clothes, my guitars, or my computer, I always take exceptional care of the products I’ve invested in.
So obviously my house is important to me. When I leave for the weekend, I make sure to lockdown and secure the entire structure. I deadbolt the doors, close all the windows, make sure the toilets aren’t running – I even shut the water off to my laundry machine (don’t laugh, I had a friend whose house flooded that way).
But upon returning home after being away this weekend, I immediately noticed a frigid draft ripping through my overly heated home. Sure enough, someone (that would be me) hadn’t properly shut the back door, which was left wide open to the elements for over 48 hours.
Yes, Murphy’s Law has been fast at work in my life.
This week’s feature, “Interstellar” starring Matthew McConaughey, also highlights Murphy’s Law and how such a theorem can be even more devastating when trying to survive on a small spacecraft in the far reaches of the galaxy.
The early reviews for this film have been exceptionally kind, in my mind. While I found “Interstellar” to be a visually stunning motion picture, I was highly disappointed with the sub-par acting, fractured editing, and completely unrealistic storyline. I was also profoundly irritated with the 3-hour running time.
“Interstellar” wanted to be considered an epic science fiction film, but in reality it’s nothing more than a B-rate movie wrapped in a snazzy covering.
Check this one out if you love sci-fi, but don’t expect the premise to tweak your curiosity or keep you overly intrigued.
A lackluster “C-” for “Interstellar.”
Got a question or comment for Dom? You can email him firstname.lastname@example.org.