By Sandra Dee Owens
I have no tolerance for pain. I am thin-skinned and weak-kneed. Whenever I experience mental, emotional, or physical pain, I want out, ASAP. When younger, I looked to and expected others to heal me. Though a great backup resource, outward is no longer where I look.
Fortunately, I have the tools to maintain holistic wellness inside me. I think of it as a built-in toolbox meant to open and use.
As a younger woman, desperately unwell with physical and mental unwellness, I met with every health professional I could. “We can lessen your pain with medicine, but we cannot fix you.” This honest but devastating truth shook me to my core. I assumed doctors could fix everything. With all options closed off to me, I looked in the one direction I had not considered before. Inward.
Fix myself? What an absurd thought. I was not a health professional. How could I possibly fix my mind and body? But now, after decades of practice, inward is where I look first.
It is wicked fun to fix yourself.
After all, if I have this internal toolbox, I must be designed to use it.
The aging process
The glances stopped somewhere in my 1950s. I was surprised at how much a part of my life they had become. Those admiring glances of complete strangers. Male strangers. I felt a twinge of sadness at the loss. Like buying my last box of tampons at menopause. It meant the end of an era.
Aware that beauty and physical attractiveness can impact one’s level of self-value, I knew I had a choice to make. I could linger in sadness over what was lost, or embrace what the second half of my life would offer. Intellectually, I knew it was silly to spend time and energy worrying about my age. After all, If I was stuck in the past, I would miss what was ahead. But intellect and feelings do not always align. Not wanting age-related sadness to take root, fester and grow, I knew it was time to open my internal toolbox and rid myself of any negativity related to the aging process.
First things first. I acknowledge my feelings. Feelings are real so that makes them important.
As a visual person, I like to imagine unhelpful or negative feelings as invisible creatures. I call them ‘The Gremlins’. Left unchecked, these wraiths of Doubt, Fear, Worry, and Should (to name a few) join forces, foment, and grow. They derail personal growth, making me feel stuck.
What am I feeling?
Years ago, I began a practice that helps me shift my mind from being emotionally ‘stuck’ to moving ‘forward’. I call the practice, ‘what am I feeling?’ It is purposeful and effective.
When alone, I state out loud for my ears to hear the name of every negative feeling (gremlins) I feel. They come up and out in layers. Fear, the most powerful of the gremlins, is always lurking at the bottom of the pile. This frees my mind, body, and spirit of their presence. I have more room to listen to my wild voice now, instead of the gremlins.
Facing forward
The next step is a simple, easy one that helps me shift (or pivot) into that “forward” state of mind. In my mind’s eye, I keep an imaginary dial. It is a round, white dial like an old transistor beach radio. This “mind’s eye” dial has two settings, “Stuck” (top dead center) and “Forward” (one click to the right). Whenever I hear the gremlins clamoring for dominance, I close my eyes and picture the dial. Reaching forward (I like the physical manifestation of actually reaching forward), I grasp the dial. Then, with gusto and a bit of drama, I flip the switch from “stuck” to “forward.” This physical form of mindfulness puts me in the driver’s seat and the gremlins in the back seat.
Now, I am in the correct position.
Next, I took a little time to ponder and observe the differences between youth and my current age. I thought about the shiny, taught, rosy skin and complexion of youth that naturally attracts. The human race depends on that attraction. But my older skin, hair and body were less watchable now. Less noticeable, less—visible. With this honest assessment of the natural process of again, I suddenly realized the second half of my life was going to be great. I could do what I wanted without being noticed. I had gained a superpower; I was invisible.
I couldn’t wait to test it out.
A few months later, I was out for a late autumn run in the South End of Boston and reached a popular, shoreline beach. Though I had no bathing suit or towel, I really wanted to swim. Running to the water’s edge, I stripped to my skin and walked into the water. I was barely noticed (pun intended). Keeping an eye out, I saw a few casual looks my way that drifted off with no more interest than if I was a floating seagull. My heart skipped with joy. I was an elder! Attracting less attention and being given a wide birth.
What a gift!
Perspective really is everything.
For more information about Sandra Dee Owens visit: sandradeeowens.com
