By Lovey Heartburn
Almost everyone loves Sundays. Some folks use it as a day to do laundry, workout, get caught up on personal paperwork, or simply to relax. Few may not also realize that around the globe groups of women also look forward to Sex Talk Sunday (STS); this happens to be one of the highlights of my weekend.
Typically, women meet for brunch, lunch or dinner to discuss the events of the weekend. This can include but is not limited to who met who, what party had some fun/eventful action, or other such fun gossip. The women also update each other on their own dating status, as well as the status of others the group may collectively know. The topics are endless and the material is usually juicy. Yes, some of it is just plain gossip which is nothing new or unusual to any group (especially groups of women and/or groups in small towns, of which we are both.) However, the discussion for those that choose to participate on STS often goes deeper than surface level discussions of people, places and things. The topics sometimes make other feel uncomfortable. Many times I’ve started blushing, hoping the table next to us or the waiter doesn’t hear our descriptive details. Sex, after all, is the topic! While it is a natural human behavior and instinct; wanted, desired and needed by most. It is largely a taboo public discussion. On STS, the group of women, including myself, openly talk about it and sometimes may be too expressive…
On one recent Sunday in Killington a group of us were sitting at a bar. Some men on the other end apparently did overhear our conversation. After a half hour they decided to slide down to join in on the fun. I found this fascinating — not only their boldness to join in the conversation, but their male perspective. Prior to their involvement stories were always told, heard and understood from a woman’s side.
While men don’t usually join the group, on any given Sunday women around the table will have a wide variety of experiences — some lots to share, some not, some will be bashful, some bold — the greater the diversity the better for STS!
Through the stories you hear friends going through, it’s easy to see dating patterns, which perhaps they do not realize. Like dating same kind of person over and over, with the same frustrations resulting. Patterns can be hard to break. You also learn what others are seeking in a partner, not just sexually but romantically: the qualities they’ve deemed necessary for a life partner.
Over the years, I have identified a list of five non-negotiable traits. (Of course, I also have that wish list that every single woman has, you know the one with hundreds of qualities that her dream guy possesses.) I find this to be helpful when dating as it acts as a barometer and prevents me from wasting time on a guy who cannot satisfy these basic needs. (I’ve learned from experience and many other people’s stories that you’re just not going to change the fundamental nature of another person, so I don’t try.) At some point I do hope to find “the one” for me, to spend the rest of my life with him. Parameters, I think, help to narrow down the field to a sector of quality potential matches.
From the stories shared at STS, it doesn’t seem that setting parameters is as common of a practice as one might think — otherwise their list of “non-negotiable” traits are MUCH different from mine, which could also be. While the wildest nights can make for great stories and lots of laughs, they are usually not stories that even the teller hopes to repeat. Collectively we’ve learned lessons the hard way!
Perhaps others can learn from such mistakes? It’s not likely. But we’ll continue to share and try to impart wisdom for each other to enhance the pleasure and reduce painful embarrassments that often ride on the coattails of an exciting night.