Thu, Jan 30, 2014 07:36 PM
I'm in the second half of my 20s now, which means it's time for me
to move away from the dorm-room mentality and turn my house into a
real home - by filling it with nifty DIY projects, ostentatiously
cozy touches, imaginative reinventions of mundane objects, and
time-consuming organizational structures! In order to learn how to
circumvent the inherent chaos of human existence and basically turn
my life into a "Better Homes and Gardens" spread while saving money
and having fun with scissors, I've been trawling Pinterest and
various mom-blog listicles for household tips.
Here are the 20 best I've come across:
1. Eliminate backyard weeds by spraying them with white
2. Cut open toilet paper rolls and, employing them as cuffs, slip
them over your wrapping paper to keep it from unrolling!
3. Use muffin tins to store old tennis balls!
4. If you accidentally allowed your milk to go bad, let it sit in
the fridge for another few months - after which you'll be able to
repurpose it as toothpaste!
5. Use greasy fast food wrappers to polish your dress shoes!
6. To save money on baking soda, substitute regular household
7. Use your cat's hairballs as loofahs!
8. For a handsome, inexpensive alternative to wood, hand-crafted
tables and chairs can just as easily be made out of pretzel!
9. Save money on ping-pong balls by using fresh Brussels sprouts
10. Instead of buying a TV and a DVD player, just buy a telescope
and press your DVD up against the lens - I'm pretty sure you can
see the movie in there!
11. Use halved, hollowed-out cantaloupes as cereal bowls!
12. Remove stains from white garments by dousing them with soy
13. Save money on toilet paper by using old potato skins
14. Shave your head to cut down on shampoo costs!
15. Don't waste your money on condoms - just repurpose an old
16. Use your top-loading washer as a fish tank!
17. Puree three boiled turnips in your food processor - then put
them in the freezer for four hours!
18. Use stale pieces of toast as coasters!
19. No need to buy laundry detergent - a solution of yogurt,
seltzer, and mint jelly will do the trick!
20. Use mason jars for everything!
OK, OK - all of these are fake except the first two, and maybe the
last one. Don't try any of the tips in between, especially not the
one with the Pringles can.
Forgive me, for, every three seconds, someone posts an article on
Facebook containing useful advice on how to rid one's bathroom of
mold without pricy, unwholesome chemicals or how to make window
curtains out of materials you already own - or, even more often,
advice on how to solve a problem you didn't even know existed
(because it didn't, until someone came up with a crafty solution:
see tip #2 and the nonexistent menace of wrapping paper run amok) -
and I'm not sure how much more I can take. Please, Internet, just
let me wallow in my filth and wreckage while my finances steadily
Is life a puzzle to be solved? Will my home finally become a happy
place if only I can think of a way to repurpose that stained
tablecloth? Can I really avoid bankruptcy by turning my lawn
trimmings into a nutritious soup, thereby reducing my grocery bill?
If I don't clean up my place a little, will Gwyneth Paltrow never
be friends with me?
Either way, I really do think it would be cool to have furniture
made out of pretzel.